Thisi Valentine’s day I decided to leave a series of notes in random places to be found. Maybe I should write a romance novel.
My love for you grows while you poop.
Honestly the math works out here.
Everytime you use the bathroom there’s a little bit less of you. If I love you just the same then technically I must love you a little more, therefore…
my love for you grows while you poop
On this Valentine’s day will you be nothing to me?
They say nothing lasts forever and I think we can prove them right.
Nothing: It’s what I got you for Valentine’s but at least you’ll always have it to cherish the way I will always have you. [awwww]
Roses are red before they droop
Chocolates are tasty but soon they get pooped
It seems like we two might last to infinity
Just like all this baggage I seem to bring with me.
— Thanks for giving me a hand with my things.
Found an old love letter I never wrote:
My dearest love,
It has been too long since I last saw you. My love for you burns like an untreated ulcer. Youre a part of me like and inoperable tumor. I am always reminded of you in little ways like an athlete is reminded of their itchy foot. I want to share my life with you like dinner gets shared with a tapeworm. And so long as you don’t expect too much in the way of romance I think we’ll be just fine.
You’re dearest me
Here’s hoping our lives are like a horror movie: no idea what adventures lay ahead and the two of us against all odds until end.
You grow on me like penicillium digitatum mold grows on an orange. I keep discovering things about you that improve the quality of my life.
The roses are dead, the violets are too
You didn’t file those divorce papers yet did you?
If I had to choose between you and toilet paper, my butt would itch with our love.